Things don’t change, the frustration I feel is the same I felt when I originally applied for the study abroad program. I find it ironic that the same “social media will be the downfall of me” mentality I had last year is still the same. Change happens but to varying degrees. I look at social media and see friends, people I know and internet people just traveling going places and do things I want to do and I’m just stuck and that sinking feeling just deepens now that I have graduated. There’s the feeling that graduating instantly changes things that I now need to do something with my life. I know, I know this sound like I am rambling and it’s true, but with recent things that have gone on in my personal life has gotten me a little off balance. Although still need to move through. The goal is now to go to Japan it’s always where I wanted to go since I was a youth and I spent the last two years learning the language and will continue to via online tutoring in hopeful preparation of the trip I am planning to take later this year if I can afford it. I want to go in October because it’s the cheapest for tickets and also the month of my birthday. I want to stay long enough to explore but, that does not really fit the core of how life works to me. Jobs really only allow for 1-2 weeks off and I can’t justify that amount of money I worked and saved for to be used for that limited amount of time, so I must revise the plan find a new job where I can take a gap before starting to go explore my dream location. It’s not like I don’t want to grow up, it’s more like let me celebrate the end of an era the way I want to. It seems all life is added responsibilities the older you get and never really time to relax from it all. Let me relax, let me escape even if it is only for a little while. I know somehow this sounds like the whiny complaints of the middle class, it probably is, but it’s the impasse I’ve currently come to in my life and I stated that anything related to my attempts to get back overseas I would discuss so here it is.
Not so Brief Note: My LDR with HY didn’t work out. When you look at things through a negative lens you could have said it was “Designed to Fail” but my mother told me sometimes things don’t work out and people just come into your life for a season. Whether she meant TV or Weather changes happen in both and that’s the major understanding from it. She was a wonderful person and I’ll never forget her or what she did for me in Seoul or how she came to see me in March, but everyone moves to the beat of their own drum and ours weren’t syncing up. It hurts, like what I assume all love does when it’s lost, but you can’t stay down forever. I’ll pick myself up and like the title says Revise my plan for what is now best for me. I will use what from what I learned through this experience to move on and be an even better person for the next person I meet. Like what Andre 3000 said in his OutKast song prototype “I hope that you’re the one/ if not you are the prototype.” If anyone were to find this and are in an LDR stick with it if you are both willing to reach that goal of togetherness once again. We did and that’s why I saw her in March and had a wonderful time. I just wish I wasn’t so in my head about the amount of time I had left with her like my mom also said is to enjoy the time now, cause don’t know when it might happen again. I guess that’s why parents are parents (mostly). Just things change….
All the post from last year referencing her will stay and become what they have been a time capsule of my thoughts and feelings of our time together because she was a big part of my Seoul experience and that would involve deleting a majority of my posts so they stay as reminders and memories of the past.
Thank You All Once Again