Jumpstart

I came out here to find myself and explore a culture different from my own. I struggle with the fact that I am a tourist and wondering if I’ll ever see acceptance. It’s an odd balance. I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking how to live here and earn money, Thoughts racing.

Korea allowed for a lot downtime whereas here I pretty much dread staying in my room. Although sometimes I get bored aimlessly walking about the city I instead I just want to chill watching tv once again it’s an odd balance. Why journey anywhere just to watch tv? I know that I am a tourist I acknowledge my existing here is temporary, but it doesn’t mean I have to treat it like that entirely. I spent the last few days trying to memorize the fastest subway to walk path home (my hotel I’m not editing it, but this is an acknowledgment of my referring to it as home) and other things that allow me to have a metaphorical grip on this experience. Like maybe I’m trying to recapture what I had in Korea, not sure. I just know I had to be a lot more self-reliant here which meant I couldn’t lag around in trying to figure out what I needed to. I got time not a lot, but I do have some. I want to feel welcomed and I guess in my mind is checking off things I think would get as close to that before going home.

I dislike tourist spots mostly because they are the “most crowded” with people with their camera and whatever else anti-social media social media using it to bolster the flames of your ego thoughts that pop into my head when I’m at the same time expressing myself on social media in a similar fashion. But to be honest none of it matters or makes for better or worse experience its all up to how you interact with your environment and internalize it. It’s like snowflake they look similar, but all have a different design. I’ll tell you in three weeks if it was all worth it or not

Yungslog

 

 

The featured image is the 1st photo I took in Akihabara well known for its shopping, games, computers and all things anime

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Year End Review / What’s Next ?

Disclaimer: This was written January 8th of 2017. I don’t know why I didn’t post it, I don’t even remember it being here, but it’s being posted now enjoy the blast from the past.
     Yungslog

Hello, 2017, I’m only 8 days late to greet you but, I’m sorry. It is a normalcy of mine to be late to the party. Although mild bantering aside I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone that checked out my blog whether it was, family, friends or when Hy helped it get a massive boost in views during the summer (THANK YOU). Looking over the stats is incredible, at least to me. With the blog’s creation being less than a year old I find the numbers impressive. I must give a very big thank you to South Korea and the United States being the two biggest view counts with them being both in the hundreds, but that’s not to dismiss the 17 other locations that people viewed my blog from. With a total of 681 visitors, I have nothing but love for you all and once again thank you. I see this blog as being a very expressive change of who was and now who I have become over the course of 2016 and it’s great. I became a rapper, went to Korea and got a girlfriend all in the first half of the year. Which was my go-to line I would tell anyone who asked about my experience along with Seoul is New York on steroids. I think about time and effort a lot, it’s pretty generic I know yes, but waiting to see your GF from LDR takes time to set up, get money and along with the effort, it takes to stay in one among other things. Hy gave me the best words of encouragement last year so simple yet to me the very strong meaning behind it. I’m not going to tell you though it’s ours. But I will tell you the one it thought of “Time is my enemy and friend” It allowed me to spend all this time with her while having to wait to see here again. To be honest, time is simply a natural thing it always moving the same pace, but I think having that construct of time as a crutch to how I have been helped out a lot. There were a lot of ups and downs, but I’ve made it greet 2017 and keep moving forward. But to look back upon 2016 it’s hard. I was depressed a lot like very much so I had panic attacks (not 100% sure Google don’t make you a doctor) about returning back to my old lifestyle. basically confirming all those things is said while Korea. It was a slow heal, a very slow heal that even months later still has not fully gone away. It’s hard and sometimes I wish I didn’t go to Korea so I didn’t feel like this. I would imagine that I would become complacent and have no need for the world outside of what I’ve known and just go through life on autopilot not really needing to feel the joys and sadness that might come along with doing something out of the ordinary. just be ordinary. On the other hand, I can’t be all too depressing that makes for a sad read. Some good things, I became a finalist in a study abroad photo contest at school, became president of the Asain Student Association, got a part-time job will be (hopefully) graduating school in may 2017 and finally applied for the JET program. I’ll write a little more about that in another blog post. I would love to keep writing even if only one person views it. As long as it is on tasks with the overall theme of personal growth and international travels.

The Time Travelers….

Or, The Boy Who Wishes They Could Jump Through Time

Hi, Hello, How’s It Going? Its’ only been several months since I last posted anything to my blog. In my previous post, I stated: “The goal is now to go to Japan.” I achieved that goal after a year and a half of saving and my parents (shouts out to them), at the end of October I’ll be going to Tokyo, Japan for three weeks (excited air horns). That means it time to blow off the dust and cobwebs surrounding this old blog and have it running overtime while I’m in Japan. Which means more posts than this blog has seen in months. Although that doesn’t explain the title tough, “The Time Travelers [Blank]” well, because when I started writing this, I forgot the final word when I began to google search for cooler ones, hated them and forgot what the original one was. Out of my slight memory lapse, I thought the blank brought an even greater meaning to me. We all know what time travelers are, people that can move back and forth through time, depending on what source material you adhere to. Point being is although the days are getting closer to my trip overseas I had these hang-ups in my mind that said this was a wrong choice, that money could have gone to other things and X, Y, and Z other negative ideals that pop into my head over this. But at the same time, so many beautiful things pop into my head of the times and experiences I’ll be able to have while there. I’ve been flip-flopping over this since that last post in May. It’s like the clash of ideas, and my brain is the battlefield. But, here I am writing this, I made my choice to go, this entry should be mute or devoid of all negativity and all just a glow of positivity that I finally attained my goal. Wish it was that, I wish that could be me, but it’s the future I worry about if me going was the right choice or would have not going be a better choice. I wish I could see how either choice plays out one, five or ten years in the future. That is the hesitation that plagues a lot of people in different situations, yet, no version of myself will instantly appear and inform me of which path will be the most advantageous. I believe it’s because I’m still forming it with each step and every choice diverging into different branches, and some may intertwine. Who knows from either option life may just take me to the same destination regardless, but it’s unknown. I think I know what that blank stands, for now, Infinite. Positive or Negative anything is possible. Once again I welcome you all to follow me again on this Journey as a Time Traveler into the Infinite Abyss.

Yungslog

Revise The Plan

Things don’t change, the frustration I feel is the same I felt when I originally applied for the study abroad program. I find it ironic that the same “social media will be the downfall of me” mentality I had last year is still the same. Change happens but to varying degrees. I look at social media and see friends, people I know and internet people just traveling going places and do things I want to do and I’m just stuck and that sinking feeling just deepens now that I have graduated. There’s the feeling that graduating instantly changes things that I now need to do something with my life. I know, I know this sound like I am rambling and it’s true, but with recent things that have gone on in my personal life has gotten me a little off balance. Although still need to move through. The goal is now to go to Japan it’s always where I wanted to go since I was a youth and I spent the last two years learning the language and will continue to via online tutoring in hopeful preparation of the trip I am planning to take later this year if I can afford it. I want to go in October because it’s the cheapest for tickets and also the month of my birthday.  I want to stay long enough to explore but, that does not really fit the core of how life works to me. Jobs really only allow for 1-2 weeks off and I can’t justify that amount of money I worked and saved for to be used for that limited amount of time, so I must revise the plan find a new job where I can take a gap before starting to go explore my dream location. It’s not like I don’t want to grow up, it’s more like let me celebrate the end of an era the way I want to. It seems all life is added responsibilities the older you get and never really time to relax from it all. Let me relax, let me escape even if it is only for a little while. I know somehow this sounds like the whiny complaints of the middle class, it probably is, but it’s the impasse I’ve currently come to in my life and I stated that anything related to my attempts to get back overseas I would discuss so here it is.

Not so Brief Note: My LDR with HY didn’t work out. When you look at things through a negative lens you could have said it was “Designed to Fail” but my mother told me sometimes things don’t work out and people just come into your life for a season. Whether she meant TV or Weather changes happen in both and that’s the major understanding from it. She was a wonderful person and I’ll never forget her or what she did for me in Seoul or how she came to see me in March, but everyone moves to the beat of their own drum and ours weren’t syncing up. It hurts, like what I assume all love does when it’s lost, but you can’t stay down forever. I’ll pick myself up and like the title says Revise my plan for what is now best for me. I will use what from what I learned through this experience to move on and be an even better person for the next person I meet. Like what Andre 3000 said in his OutKast song prototype “I hope that you’re the one/ if not you are the prototype.” If anyone were to find this and are in an LDR stick with it if you are both willing to reach that goal of togetherness once again. We did and that’s why I saw her in March and had a wonderful time. I just wish I wasn’t so in my head about the amount of time I had left with her like my mom also said is to enjoy the time now, cause don’t know when it might happen again. I guess that’s why parents are parents (mostly). Just things change….

All the post from last year referencing her will stay and become what they have been a time capsule of my thoughts and feelings of our time together because she was a big part of my Seoul experience and that would involve deleting a majority of my posts so they stay as reminders and memories of the past.

Thank You All Once Again

Yungslog

 

Just 5 more minutes, Please….

​I’m still holding on to the past, to a life that is no longer my current reality. I didn’t live there, but lived there long enough to have started a life and have it ripped away from me. Now I go through my daily routines holding on to these memories trying to constantly recreate them in my head as nothing to me currently holds any weight. I think I’m going insane. Sometimes, I wish I never went, but never do I regret it. I’m weighed down by my past so scared to lose the ones I love and the ones I cared about. To never see anyone or Korea again. I think about it alot, but that special blend of experiences could only happen once. I should be glad that it did. The memories, the people, the place have all changed me to become a better man. Because of Korea and my friends I want to work as hard as I can to see the world again. Although, to see the world again this will happen again where I’m feeling like this. is not worth it to experience all life has to offer? Even if it comes with some pain? I’m hurt more than I ever could be currently just wishing what I have I could hold on to only for a little bit longer. It’s like the 5 more minutes you ask your mother to stay in bed and dream because you feel safe there, you don’t want to deal with the day, you don’t want to deal with reality. But, it’s time to wake up and it’s time to face reality and move forward. No one said you have to give up on these memories there apart of you. The experiences in that time and place, that can’t ever be erased from life’s history, yours or any of the people you were with. You can’t live your life in the past though. I know that now, but it was nice to dream, you know ? Well I guess it’s time to wake up I’ve probably been sleeping wake to

long. Wake up, wake up, wake up……
The end of a wonderful dream.

Final Posts From Sk

During my emotional distress of the last week in Seoul. I had difficulty finishing some posts. Although there weren’t many here are these unfinished posts. I wanted to keep them this way as they are a time stamp on what was going on in my mind at that current time.

[Original Monthly Report] Hi, Hello, well I haven’t done this in….let me check, The last monthly report was May 25th so roughly 5 weeks ago. I’ve been slacking on getting out the Monthly Report, but this last month has been one to remember finishing up school saying goodbyes to new friends, questioning the amount of month I have been given to be here (Sorry Mom & Dad).

[Words Written From the Airport] I felt the need to express this less than an hour before i leave korea. I don’t know anymore is there a term for being extremely sad but okay with everything. I talked to my best friend yesterday he told me be proud of all what i did here

Adjusting back…

Disclaimer: Wrote this a while back just now uploading this

I would say it has been difficult. It’s been about a week since returning. I and Hy are now in an LDR and we talk, text and video almost every day, but that’s for another post. I’m still working on my sleeping. Now I’ve been waking up at 4:30 so I’m getting closer to something normal. Although that’s not what this post is about. It’s more about me mentally since being back. I have this current mentality of okay, fine, cool this was fun, but when do I leave when do I return back to my normal life my abroad life? The novelty of being back in the states is starting to wear off, but that’s not how it works. The me that exists in the USA is my normal life or at least now currently. It’s been hard to adjust to that. Not to constantly bring up the drug analogy, but it’s basically being cut off cold turkey and having to deal with that. It’s like being placed in a metaphorical room alone to deal with the aftermath of the comedown, but your not alone you have family and friends who come and help out every once in a while. They’ve just haven’t experienced the same thing you have or at least you believe so. Although just like the theme of most of my posts. It will take time before I have the strength to leave this metaphoric room behind and keep moving forward in life. As my mother always says time/life stops for nobody.

Update: I feel a lot better now. I’m still fairly bored with my American life, yet I have new goals in mind to keep me motivated so wish me luck on keeping positive.

Questions Questions Questions

I knew coming back I would be asked the same questions over and over from people here’s a list

What time is it over there ?

Do you know any Korean (Read and Write) ?

Do they know any English ?

Are their American restaurants over there ?

Can your girlfriend speak English ?

How well can she speak English ?

Were you worried about North Korea ?

Did you wear one of those masks ?

And I try to answer them as nicely as possible, but it’s very draining on the psyche. You feel like to some of these questions people would have answers too like they are common sense. Yet it only seems like that because I were there. None of the questions were of ever any real concern about things in South Korea. Just what big old bad North and their scary ways. It usually upset me that’s all people are concerned about, but I have no room to say anything as I knew nothing of the culture before going. The pot calling the kettle black I guess….

Update Log Star Date 7.21.16

Yung’s Log Seven Twenty One
Recently my focus has been on work, so I haven’t been able to update my logs as usual. Although it doesn’t mean I don’t have writings completed or more ideas to write. I just haven’t uploaded them for the mass consumption by human kind yet. I need to make sure they are cleared of all errors before releasing my words to the world. Thank You for being so patient.

Yungslog

LDR

It’s been two weeks since I have last “seen” my girlfriend Hy. If you can’t tell by the title or the fact I put the word seen in quotations. It means me and her are trying to have Long Distance Relationship. I felt like this was going to end up happening, as neither of us wanted to leave each other. So, we’re trying to make it work. I wish there was a magic formula or some type of rubric that could be followed so we could know how to do this, but there is not, so we just take it day by day. It’s just been interesting to know so many people have or are currently going through this and getting advice from them. The best advice I got was being able to stay independent. Not relying fully on them or needing someone else to fill that “hole” in your heart. I’m not going to lie the 1st few days were hard but it has gotten better. The key (for me) is just making sure to stay interested in one another and know even though they are far away that they are still as important in your life. The current title image is a screencap from a video I did for her with my friends. Right now I’m only sending her silly things I make on the computer, but soon I might ship a few things to her that will remind her of me. Although I think the most important thing is planning to see one another again It gives you something to look forward to even if it’s not in the near future. She always told me that I didn’t have to come back to South Korea to see her; that she would come to see me in America and I believe her. In these moments of LDR all, you really have is the truth behind your words and your belief in theirs. We’re no longer physically together so I have no clue what she does daily nor does she have any idea what I do daily. It’s just a hope and belief that their truth lines up with life’s reality. I will say it has not been an easy start with worries the other will find someone in their respective areas. A person that can be there fully because neither of us can currently. Although like I told her as long as we keep talking regularly and keep each other in our hearts and minds we’ll do fine, because that’s all we got right now. It’s like being on a metaphorical roller coaster and wanting to get off, but finding solace that someone you care for is right beside you going through the same thing even though there scared as well.